| 003; Tuesday, 18 November 2005 |
[Tuesday
November 18th, at 5:24am] |
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I really want a hamburger. A big, juicy hamburger. With lots of lettuce. And tomatoes. But I don't even feel like getting up off my sofa to get one. Oh well. Maybe I'll just take a nap instead. I could sleep all day. Maybe I won't even go to work. The Ministry can do without me for a day or two. They don't give me the respect I deserve anyway. Maybe I'll go on strike until they do. They'll rue the day they took ANDREW PATRICK KIRKE for granted. I'll decide what to do about it once I wake up.
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| 002; Thursday, 06 November 2005 |
[Thursday
November 6th, at 5:09pm] |
Things that I have found in the rubbish bins today:
- Rubbish; This may come as a surprise to those of you throwing away the other things on this list.
- Peanut butter sandwiches; How dare you throw these away half-eaten?
- Love letters; When the time comes, one of you might be very embarrassed!
- Hate letters; Can't we all just get along?
- Paper and bottles; This can be recycled, people!
- Feathers; I'm still waiting to find the bird. Poor thing.
- Condoms; I don't want to discuss what state I found them in. Who honestly has sex while at work?
- A broken mirror; Seven years bad luck and all that. Plus, can't you glue this back together?
- One glove; Just one. Where is its match?
It seems to me as though we are being very inefficient with our waste. And maybe you could all try not to throw away so much stuff as is? Those bags get very heavy after a whole day's collections and while I am impressively muscled, I still get tired. And before you tell me to charm the bags feather light, I prefer to do my work manually.
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| 001; Monday, 28 October 2005. |
[Tuesday
October 28th, at 4:34pm] |
This is a very strange day, if I do say so myself. These things all over the Ministry are making work a bit complicated. I wish I'd thought to wear gloves today but it wasn't that cold outside. How could I have known that I would spend the day being attacked by the sharp little claws of these annoying things?
Anyway, please don't hurt them, since I don't want to have to pick up dead fluffy things all evening after you leave, since I'm not sure what the Department for the Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures' policy is on dead magical creatures but either way, I don't want to get any closer than I have to.
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